Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, so I’m a woman who’s not timid about chiming in with my two-sense ever so often. Despite this, I’m not drawn to comment on articles online unless I have a valid argument, or something insightful to say. With that being said, I decided to comment on an article on YourTango titled ‘The 7 Dating Mistakes You Make In Your 20’s’. In my statement I suggested that women in their 20’s date multiple men to explore their options in order to make a suitable decision, however the comment wasn’t favored or very well received by some. That’s when I came to the hard realization that people still had a huge taboo surrounding women dating multiple men.
When I simply made my comment, the intent was not to encourage women to run-a-muck in the streets, and be with every Tom, Dick, and Harry, but it was to prompt women to take an empowered approach when it comes to their love life. And I want to make it clear that I’m not at all concerned with the fact that anyone might’ve disagreed with my remark, but it more so brought attention to the fact that women are meant to feel ashamed for dating multiple men. Men date multiple women all the time, and no one ever waves a finger at them for doing so.
This prevailing double standard is upsetting, therefore I seek to challenge and breakdown labels placed on women regarding this issue. A woman dating multiple guys doesn’t make her a slut, it only makes her more inclined to choose a better partner. At any rate, dating is considered the interview process, and just like a company interviews many potential employees for hiring; we all have to date more than one potential match for a relationship or marriage.
The millennial woman has so many choices to select from in the dating pool; I don’t see any valid reasons why she shouldn’t date more than one guy. As a matter of fact, it would be in her best interest to, if she’s looking for a long-term relationship. Dating multiple men to say the least, places the ball in her court. Women have the opportunity to spend time with men she finds interesting without the full-blown emotions or commitment. As a result, if one guy begins to act like a jerk, it’s very easy to kick him to the curb since she hasn’t yet placed all her eggs in one basket. On the other hand, when dating just one guy whether he’s the right one or not, women tend to emotionally commit right off the bat which possibly sends them free falling head over heels in love with the wrong person.
I’ve seen a number of women spend their prime years in dead end relationships wasting 5 or more years spinning their wheels only to have it end up in splitsville. After squandering several years, most women then in their 30’s end up rushing to meet a guy to marry, often times settling for less than she deserves.
The idea of women dating multiple men may sound alarming, but it’s all in how you interpret it. When I mention dating, I’m referring to old-fashioned dating in every sense of the word, which is the same definition that Merriam-Webster’s dictionary refers to:
Dating : an appointment to meet at a specified time; especially :a social engagement between two persons that often has a romantic character.
For some people, this definition is a far cry from what they have come to understand dating to be. Today’s culture has confused dating with hooking up and having sex, and this is why a number of folks might be apprehensive to the idea of women dating multiple men. Understandably, I see where this may cause a need for concern, however just going out for drinks, having dinner, or catching a movie is fairly innocent, and not serious by far. What it comes down to is, two people just having a good time getting to know each other during the initial stage of the dating process, and which they haven’t necessarily made a commitment. So, if there’s another guy who’s taking a woman out on dates as well, it’s no big deal. It only becomes a big deal when emotions get involved, and things become more serious.
All things considered, this is not a pass to be a player, and if you intend on dating more than one guy it would be best to casually state in the beginning that you’re seeing other people. There’s no need to mention any further details after that. However, if during the course of dating when a woman finds herself getting closer to one guy as opposed to the other, she then would have to break the news to the other guy. The other guy might be disappointed, but he will respect the fact that you didn’t continue to lead him on. By all means, don’t string anyone along, because heaven knows you wouldn’t want anyone doing that to you.
Now, ladies I’m not suggesting that you go on a free for all dating spree, but if you’re interested in dating multiple men I would advise you keep it to 3 at the most. Too many dating options will leave you confused unable to make an adequate decision. Nonetheless, there’s a thin line between dating and deceiving, and it’s not possible for a woman to give her all to each guy. Therefore, coming to a decision as soon as possible as to whom to see exclusively is the sensible thing to do.
Surely, this topic can be debatable without any clear-cut answer, but people need to come to terms with it; women are taking an empowered approach to finding love. What I’m urging women to do is hard for some people to fathom, and indeed this is not for everyone, but let’s not make women feel guilty for doing it. We’re all looking for love here, so if dating multiple men helps a woman speed up the process in finding her special someone, so be it. Just don’t knock it, if you haven’t tried it!
Do you believe it’s acceptable for women to date multiple men? Why? When does a women dating multiple men become inappropriate? Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.
Shawna Kay ( Blissed Out Belle )
Kay is a Lifestyle & Empowerment Enthusiast, and the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Blissed Out Belle™. Connect with her on Facebook here, and follow her on Twitter @BlissedOutBelle .