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The Dread Of Losing Yourself In A Relationship

If you’re looking for a woman that play’s by her own rules, look no further than yours truly. I enjoy coming and going as I please, and I just love my sense of independence. With that being said, one of my worst fears is to lose myself in a relationship or marriage. Sometimes, I wonder what will happen when I get married, would I have to conform to some traditional standard of being Mrs. Suzy Homemaker, or can I still have my sense of independence and pursue my dreams? Whether you like it or not, this is a question that most women will have to face.

I can almost guarantee that you’ve encountered a woman or two that has lost herself while tending to her relationship or marriage. You know the woman that put’s her dreams on the back burner, and supports the man in her life. Losing yourself in a relationship is one of the worst things a person can do. If you don’t have any goals or ambitions outside of the circumstance, and if the relationship were to come to an end, where does that leave you? Let’s be honest, it would leave you dazed and confused, and trying to pick up the pieces to move on in life.

At times, us women can slowly lose ourselves without even realizing it. The relationship begins with us having a full-fledged personal life, and then following signs begin to show:

  • You put your life on hold to solely support your partner’s endeavors.
  • You find yourself giving up on your favorite hobbies and aspirations.
  • You blow off hanging out with your girlfriends, and spending time with your family.
  • You develop bad habits because of the relationship.
  • You have no say-so in the relationship or marriage, and you never really do what you want to do.
  • You’re more concerned with your partners emotionally well being than your own.
  • You’re the only one compromising in the relationship.
  • The relationship feels like work, and you feel drained all the time.

The perfect example of a woman losing herself in a marriage is Porsha Stewart from “The Real Housewives of Atlanta”. If you’re unaware of the show, in the last episode of the reunion, Porsha defends her husband’s controlling behavior, but in the same breath yearned to have a sense of independence. As she looked around the room she admired all the other women in the cast for their strength and independence. She looked up to them, because what she viewed in them, was something she knew was lacking within her relationship; her independence.

kordell-stewart-porsha-williams-400x470Although, Porsha declared her life to be ‘Picture Perfect’, in the beginning of the season, somehow her marriage began to take a turn. Porsha, like most women didn’t realize what she was signing herself up for when she agreed to certain unspoken terms in the relationship. In her dilemma, she agreed to be a stay at home wife, but later desired more, which didn’t sit quite well with her husband. As any modern day woman would agree, we aspire to be more than just a trophy wife.

Nevertheless, I empathized with Porsha’s situation, which allowed me to extract valuable lessons from it. Subsequently, as I go about my love life, I seek to maintain my personal life as well.  I know this will require great balance and precision, but it’s very simple. To maintain your sense of self in any relationship you must:

  • From the start, choose a mate that is genuinely supportive of your dreams and aspirations.
  • Challenge each other to grow as an individual, and as a couple.
  • Consistently work on your Self-Improvement.
  • On a regular basis openly communicate to your mate your personal goals and progress.
  • Continue to maintain interests that have always been meaningful to you.
  • Maintain friendships that were important to you when you were single.
  • Encourage your partner to maintain their interests and friendships as well.

Let this be a wake up call and reminder to all, that losing your sense of self in a relationship or marriage should be avoided at all cost. For your relationship to stand a real chance at succeeding, you’ll want to maintain a sense of self, as though not to create resent amongst you and your partner. And come to think of it, when we maintain our own desires, friends, interests, and sense of self, we nourish both ourselves and our partner. So, be true to yourself, and your happiness and wellbeing will thank you for it!

Have you ever lost yourself in a relationship or marriage? Why? How did you reclaim your personal life after losing yourself? Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.


Shawna Kay ( Blissed Out Belle )

Kay is a Lifestyle & Empowerment Enthusiast, and the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Blissed Out Belle™. Connect with her on Facebook here, and follow her on Twitter @BlissedOutBelle .

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