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The 3 Month Rule VS. Celibacy

The 3 Month Rule VS. Celibacy

Sexual attraction, the urge of all urges, but what’s a woman to do when she is interested in pursuing a meaningful relationship? To wait, or not to wait, that is the question. The big heated debate 3 Month Rule vs Celibacy, we all have different opinions of what works. I will fire off the conversation by saying, there are no hard or fast rules on this one.  And I’m sure you have heard of instances where a couple has gotten intimate on the first date, and eventually end up getting married. This apparent scenario is the exception, and not the rule.

Many of you know about the 3-month rule from Steve Harvey’s book ‘Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man’. Nevertheless, if you haven’t heard of it, the 3-Month Rule is when a woman waits 3-months before having sex with a guy she is dating. During the 3 months, she is going on dates with that gentleman to get to know him, and to see if there is a real connection and compatibility. It has been said that 3-months is an adequate amount of time to really get to know someone. In all actuality, 3-months is not an adequate amount of time to truly get to know anyone for that matter.

black-couple-kissingThe first 3-months of dating is the honeymoon phase, and all is well. The honeymoon phase of the relationship is when we are conscious of everything we do, or say around our love interest. At this point we’re extremely aware, and even find that we portray ourselves in a different light. Everything is lovey-dovey, and roses are red, violets are blue!

Hold on now; don’t get swept away into happily-ever-after just yet. Once that 3-month mark hits comfort begins to set in, and that’s when a persons real unconscious behavior, also known as ‘true colors’ is revealed. As a result, if your guy is a jerk, by the time you discover this, you would already have given yourself to him. For this reason, I’m skeptical about the 3-month rule, we are only judging our suitor based on the very little we know about them.

Celibacy on the other hand is when you abstain from sex altogether as you wait for the commitment of marriage, or even a relationship. Celibacy requires self-control, and some women have chosen this path, and it has it’s advantages. The logic behind the decision is that they are saving themselves for their husband, and this may help them pick out the marriage-minded men who are in it for the long haul. I would definitely agree. A Celibacy ringman in it, to win it will stay the long haul whether sex is in the picture or not. If a man is only looking for sex he will throw up deuces and leave, when he feels that he’s wasting time. This type of man is thinking short-term gain, so allow him to get the stepping. No worries ladies, contrary to popular belief the right man will wait for You!


I support the case for both standards, but let me play devil’s advocate for a minute. I am aware that plenty of men are in uproar right now, and would say that woman are you using sex as a tool. ( i.e. dangling the carrot on a stick) I’ve also heard men state that they must sample the goods before they make a full-fledged commitment. These men want to know what they’re signing themselves up for, and want to be guaranteed a fulfilling sex life. This male reasoning sounds very shallow to me, and is more about selfish gain. Furthermore, a women’s worth does not depend on her sexual capability.  Granted that you’re seeking a meaningful relationship, if you even entertain a man with these views he will con you right out of your panties.

Belle’s whichever path you may choose, you will have to do what works best for you. I would highly suggest that you wait as long as possible, and get to know your suitor on a deeper level. Allow him to court you, and show you what he’s made of. Give him the opportunity to take you on dates to various places, therefore your able to observe him in different settings. As a reminder, pay close attention to his actions, more than his words. We women often find ourselves overlooking actions, because we’re so hooked to a man’s charming words. This advice I’m imparting to you is straight from the male mind of friends and associates. These men all gave me basically the the same response of; “women would overall be in a more empowered position in the dating game if they would hold off on sex”.

Also, keep in mind if you’re dating a guy and you only see him every two weeks or so; you’re not really getting to know each other. An interested man will set aside time to see you at least once a week. In the case that this occurs, cut your losses and move on; and don’t accept him stringing you along as a future conquest.

Black Couple On Date

On behalf of all women, I’ve designed a brand new rule intended for those ladies who can’t seem to wait too long, but don’t want to rush into intimacy. Keep an eye out for this new dating rule in an upcoming post.

Are you practicing the 3 Month Rule or Celibacy? How is it working for you? Are you against any of them, and why? Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.


Shawna Kay ( Blissed Out Belle )

Kay is a Lifestyle & Empowerment Enthusiast, and the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Blissed Out Belle™. Connect with her on Facebook here, and follow her on Twitter @BlissedOutBelle

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  • Kendra

    3 months is perfect. It gives room. But i can’t help but to think celibacy has some extremely attractive attributes, though i know that is probably not a majority opinion lol

  • Angie

    The 3month rule has its perks but it did not stop a man from cheating on me two months after committing to a realtionship w/ me. I say be true to yourself and him from the start, ignoring the urge to hide your flaws, and do what’s natural for you..he will either fall or flea. Even a ‘good’ man is not always willing to wait..neither am I am eager to read the upcoming rule for ladies like myself 😉

  • Bertha

    This type of advice is archaic and sexist. It encourages slut-shaming and it implies that all women want is to get married and that all men want is to have sex and run away. Advice like this creates a US vs. THEM mentality to dating and that type of thinking does not often lead to success for anyone. Sex is an important aspect of a relationship but it may not be as important to everyone. It’s best to figure out where you personally fall on that sexual spectrum & find a partner with whom you are compatible. If you’re traditional and religious then only date men who want traditional women. If you’re more liberated, then date men who accept and value your independence.

    Just because you have sex early, doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed & just because you wait doesn’t mean it will succeed. When are we going to learn to stop playing games? They obviously don’t work. As a commenter below said, her ex cheated on her even though she waited 3 months to be intimate. Each person should be honest with his or herself when it comes to all of their needs and accurately communicate those needs when dating. Sometimes you can do everything by the book and according to every dating site out there & it just doesn’t work. As humans we are far too complex to be reduced by a series of games to play and rules to follow.

    • Blissed_Out_Belle

      Hi Bertha, I appreciate your insight. I can see your point of view
      and it was very well said. I’m all for women embracing their sexuality, but if a woman is seeking a serious commitment she has to approach dating differently. I was coming from the side of taking a look at men’s innate tendencies to be sexual, and there’s no doubt about it that a lot of the time that is the only thing they are looking to pursue. I have often encountered that women end up with the short end of the stick due to this fact, and was just offering advice on how to deal with that. I hope to hear from you again.

      Best wishes

  • Kadian

    Everyone have there own opinion based on intimacy. I believe that dating 1st and not jumping right into having sex with someone that you just meet is the best way to build a relationship that wont be a sex based relationship only.Most men looks at the physical aspect of a female 1st (big butt, big tits) I Believe if you jump right Into having sex with that guy, you’re only building a sex partner rather than letting him wait and letting him get to you you personally 1st and then have sex LATER! I believe the. 3 months rule is perfect or maybe even LONGER! Sorry guys you have to work for it! A female body should be taken care of the proper way! it was not made to be used and abused and thrown all over the place from one man to the next man no matter what!!


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