He’s so fine; he blows your mind! The rush of endorphins and happy emotions associated with ‘New Love’ is so exciting. Finally, he gave you the time of day, and you feel so honored by it. You won the grand prize trophy boyfriend, so you cherish him, cater to him, and place him on a pedestal. According to you lover boy is picture perfect, and can do no wrong; until love takes a bad turn.
Are you guilty of placing your mate on a pedestal? You might be guilty as charged if you do some of the following:
- You expect this person to fulfill you, and make you feel whole.
- You believe this person is practically flawless.
- You rationalize their bad behavior, and in your eyes they can do no wrong.
- If the person were to say jump, you would ask “how high?”
- You’re mesmerized by the person so much, you want to show them off to everyone.
- You disregard your own needs; to cater to their every beckon called.
In most cases, the pedestal boyfriend is idolized for not what he is, but for what you think he is. In your mind you hold onto this image that your mate must live up to, and in turn it becomes too much pressure on a person to meet these expectations. Besides no one is perfect! While you may think treating a man as though he were perfect, will get you girlfriend points; this can be the biggest mistake you make in the relationship.
As your trophy boyfriend sits perched atop his platform being showered with praises and with all his needs met; who is meeting your needs? When you place a man on a pedestal it enables him to be lazy, and he knows his presence alone is all that is required for you to feel satisfied in the relationship. So, no real effort is made on his part, which eventually leads to resentment. You feel as if you’re in a one-sided relationship because the feelings you’re expressing to your partner are not being reciprocated in full.
I‘ve known friends who were avid pedestal praisers, and how it backfired in their face. Mr. So & So, was always so sweet, so charming, so perfect, and so much more. And it turned out that Mr. So & So wasn’t cracked out to be all that she thought he was. She would soon discover this the hard way, after several verbal and then physical abuse. Often it is the individuals that put their mate on the pedestal, are the ones that end up getting emotionally and physically abused. Their clingy actions enable many abusive individuals to prey on their weaknesses and insecurities.
The root problem in pedestal relationship is lack of self-love and self worth. When we enter into relationships we seek out others that possess the qualities that we lack within ourselves, and when we find that special someone we glorify them for those qualities. As a result, in the back of our mind we hope that our partner’s greatness will rub off on us. The failure to develop your self worth will have you seeking worth in outside sources (i.e. boyfriend/ husband).
This situation calls for a reassessment of your self-worth. I encourage you to evaluate your worth by first identifying the event/ trigger that lead you to those toxic thoughts about yourself. When you understand where your feelings of self worth comes from, you are then able to challenge them. With your insight you will begin to get the ball rolling on boosting your self-worth. The process continues on by releasing your inner critic, given that it reinforces feelings of low self-worth. After letting go of your inner critic, you’ll have to stop aiming for perfection, and allow yourself room to make mistakes and grow from them. Forgive yourself and don’t dwell on your shortcomings. But most importantly, you have to appreciate your own qualities, and acknowledge that you have a lot to bring to the table as well.
Ladies it boils down to this, there will always be one person in the relationship who has stronger feelings for their partner, but just make sure it’s not You! I know in an ideal world both partners would have equal feelings for each other, however this is rarely the case. I know we women are natural nurturers and caregivers, but don’t over extend yourself more then you have to. I’m sure you’ve heard of grandma’s wisdom where she states ‘Marry the man who loves you a little more, than you love him’. I know some may disagree with me, but this time-honored wisdom is not to be taken lightly, and it does position you in an overall better place in your relationship.
With that being said, I urge you to yank lover boy off the pedestal, and bring him back down to earth where he belongs. In order to avoid this scenario from happening again I advise you harness to the power of self-awareness, and take notice of when you’re getting swept away in your emotional euphoria. You’ll know when your placing your partner on a pedestal when your in awe of the person, and surprised that he even gave you the time of day. When you see this occurring stop yourself, and recognize him as an imperfect human being. By looking at your partner as a person with flaws, just like you, you’ll be less likely to place him on a pedestal.
Belle’s, you have to love and uplift yourself first, before you can elevate your partner. It is only when your partner sees you loving and respecting yourself, will he subsequently treat you the same.
Do you place your partner on a pedestal? Why? Do you support the statement “Marry the man who loves you a little more, than you love him”? Why or Why Not? Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.
Shawna Kay ( Blissed Out Belle )
Kay is a Lifestyle & Empowerment Enthusiast, and the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Blissed Out Belle™. Connect with her on Facebook here, and follow her on Twitter @BlissedOutBelle