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No More, Captain Save 'Em: A Powerful Lesson In Not Interfering

Mark my words, “No one, will have your back more than I will! When it comes to going to bat for others, I’m the one who will get involved so intensely as if it were my own affairs. Be that as it may, recently I’ve had an epiphany and came to a new conclusion; for the sake of my sanity I will refrain from playing Captain Save ‘Em. Attempting to rescue people out of their circumstance has been a long-standing habit of mine, however I’ve come to realize that not everyone wants to be rescued, and another individuals uphill battle is not my burden to bear.

The inherent impulse to be of service to others is a wonderful gesture; except for the fact that I get way too involved, and begin to take on emotions as if it were my actual predicament. The overwhelming emotions caused by my involvement is detrimental to my wellbeing, therefore overextending myself must cease and desist immediately. All the same, I must accept responsibility because of my tendency to enlist my own assistance by offering guidance, and even taking it upon myself to take action. All right, I know what you’re thinking; I’m in over my head.

I’m clueless as to why it compels me to lend a hand; maybe it’s because I’m an empathetic person, so when I hear another person’s complaints I get the urge to swoop down and save them. At any rate, I can tell you that my involvement has gotten me into trouble at times, and fighting on behalf of someone else’s cause when they don’t care enough for their own interest, is futile. There are individuals who will painstakingly complain, but will fight harder for their limitation than their solution, and trying to help these individuals will bring about more frustration than anything else. Furthermore, who am I to interfere with someone else’s life lesson, anyways?

I owe it to the individuals in their circumstance to find their own resolution, rather than deciphering it for them. There’s no use in making an effort to deal with someone else’s issue, while it’s more powerful and sustainable for the solution to come directly from the source itself. Regardless, if you believe a person is in great need of help, real transformation can only occur when a person is ready and willing; and no amount of heroic interference will help. Don’t get me wrong, this is not to say let us avoid helping others, but to assist them only if they solicit your help, or are in dire circumstances.

Honestly, everyone holds the key that will solve all his or her dilemmas, and it’s up to the individual involved to determine the best course of action for themselves. We should only be there to give guidance and support if needed, and use the opportunity to allow them to learn their own lessons without meddling. What I’ve learned, and invite you to do as well, is to turn your gaze inward to focus on understanding and mastering yourself. It’s difficult enough to fix your own complications, much less to make an effort to resolve another’s issues. Moreover, in order to be of great benefit to anyone else, it’s necessary that you to figure out your own matters, and be of great advantage to yourself first.

Nonetheless, there’s a fine line between helping and interfering, and it’s up to you to gauge your level of involvement. On behalf of another person, are you confronting a problem, or person for them? Are you frequently left picking up the slack, for their lack of responsibility? Do you feel emotionally drained after making an effort to help others? If you’ve answered, “yes” to any of the previous questions, this indicates that you’re in too deep. Refrain from doing as I’ve done, and save yourself the hassle by easing up on the assistance. When you fall back, watch how suddenly the individual of concern begins to shapeup because there’s no one to rescue them. Often times your best bet is to remain quiet, and send loving energy from afar.

Bottom line; instead of believing that you know what’s best for others, trust that they know what’s best for themselves. When you have the urge to play super hero catch yourself, as you’re about to tell others how they “should” be, or “do”. Allow others to follow their own life’s path, which will lead them to realize their great source of strength within. So, instead of making a habit of interfering as I’ve done, channel your energy into fixing something you do have control over… yourself!

Do you have a tendency to try to rescue others from their circumstance? Why? At what point do you think helping becomes interfering? Express your thoughts, and join the conversation by leaving a comment below. Share this post if you found it thought provoking, or helpful to you. 

Love,

Shawna Kaye ( Blissed Out Belle )

Kaye is a Lifestyle & Empowerment Passionista, and the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Blissed Out Belle™. Connect with her on Facebook here, and follow her on Twitter @BlissedOutBelle .

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  • Yes, I sure do! But slowly I’ve been learning to offer up assistance to those who will do right with it. I know who I must be quiet around when they are begging for help and who to extend that hand towards!

    • I definitely agree with you! I’ve seen what can happen when you try to impose a solution on others; either it doesn’t hurt bad enough for them to resolve the issue, or their ego gets in the way. The best thing do as a friend is ask them questions to help guide them to their answer. Sometimes, it’s not until a person is fed up enough will they reach out for help; and just like the Buddhist Proverb says “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”.

  • I have this problem and trying to let it go. I don’t want to see anyone in an unfavorable situation but often find my resources drained and emotionally tired after getting so involved in their affairs. Today, I pledge NO THANKS.

    • I love your pledge! I know most of us don’t want to be a bystander, when we can actually intervene with our help, but we must be mindful of how getting involved takes a toll on us. To some people this may sound selfish, but my recent post on Twitter can sum it up with this good point:
      “The minute you stop doing for others, & start working on your own concerns, you’re considered selfish. But, who’s the real selfish one here?”

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