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Coming To Terms With Feelings Of "Not-Enoughness"

Are you buying into the negative mind chatter of thoughts of not being enough? Well, you’re not alone; most people’s deepest fear is that no matter what they’ll never be enough. Ultimately, these feelings lead many to engage in frivolous actions in an attempt to finally be whole. At the core of these emotions lies the belief that something is missing, or inadequate. At any rate, none of us are broken, and the only thing that truly needs to be fixed is our mental outlook.

I’m no stranger to feelings of ‘not-enoughness’ as well. As I take a trip down memory lane, I can recall moods of discontent, because for sometime I felt inadequate to the point of depression, sadness, and apathy. The climax of these emotions came boiling over at a point where I was experiencing a huge heartbreak. The breakup left me crushed in a very vulnerable place, and which led me to take pointless action in a quest to feel sufficient. As in many situations of a broken heart, I began to doubt and question myself. Thoughts came over me like, what did I not possess that another woman did. In my mind I would go down a long list of things comparing myself to my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend, which was an unhealthy classic sign of ‘not-enoughness’.

The reason enough never seems to be enough is because we measure ourselves against others, and against our expectations about where we think we should be or have. These beliefs are further perpetuated by feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, and a sense of rejection of self. Therefore, underneath it all we secretly believe that who we are is not enough, and this belief forces us to prance around in masks faking happiness and success. With that being said, we’ll go in search of quick fixes to create a sense of wholeness, however this wholeness is often short lived. Whether it’s vying for love & attention, reading another self-help book, wearing designer labels, or purchasing a luxury vehicle, these fixes are not the answer and truly will never be enough.

Deep down we fear being unlovable as we are, and this fear might stem from experiences and encounters from the past. Most of the time we’re playing a tape recorder of voices from people who have told us we weren’t enough at some point in time. Nevertheless, this predominant fear of not being enough somewhere along the line took root, and became a belief causing unnecessary suffering. Apparently, it’s hard for some to believe that who they are is enough, yet we’re put on this earth for a purpose, so by default we inherit worthiness.

With all things considered, we must confront these feelings head on by allowing those unworthy emotions to arise, and acknowledge it as a misconception, and dissolve them once and for all. Coming to terms with self-defeating thoughts requires a great deal of letting go of limiting beliefs, and being gracious by expressing unconditional love for oneself. Taking the time to address the underlining issue creates the necessary space to heal, allowing you to move forward in confidence.

Although, I allowed thoughts of inadequacy to run the show for a period of time, my breakthrough moment came when I realized that regardless of whether me and my ex were together or not, a void still remained. Conclusively, it was a flawed perspective that was getting in the way of my sense of wholeness. I’ve come to acknowledge that worth isn’t wrapped up in what you do or acquire; worth is an intangible knowing of ones own intrinsic value. A person’s worth is beyond the physical realm, and it’s not until I grasped this concept, was I able to find the serenity and wholeness that I so longed for.

Let’s face it, the feelings of ‘not-enoughness’ are illusionary, and only exist in your mind. As you dig deeper you will discover that you’ve been carrying a very false limiting belief all along. So, instead of searching for the next best thing to fill the void, the solution here is to replace those unhealthy belief systems with an empowering perspective. Keep in mind that just by being born you’re enough, not for what you do or have, but your mere existence makes it so. So, the next time feelings of ‘not-enoughness’ arises, nip it in the bud by reminding yourself that by birthright you’re worthy and Enough!

What affects do you think that society has played in influencing people’s perception of not being enough? We’ve all had feelings of ‘not-enoughness’ at some point, what actions did you attempt to gain a sense of wholeness? Express your thoughts, and join the conversation by leaving a comment below. Share this post if you found it thought provoking, or helpful to you. 


Shawna Kaye ( Blissed Out Belle )

Kaye is a Lifestyle & Empowerment Enthusiast, and the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Blissed Out Belle™. Connect with her on Facebook here, and follow her on Twitter @BlissedOutBelle .

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