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Back to Square One: The Real Reason We Fear Starting Over

Along with every end, there’s an even greater beginning, however that did not stop me from hanging on for dear life to situations and relationships that had long passed its expiration date. In my mind, I’d be damned if I have to start all over again, even if it meant remaining in an unhappy and unfulfilling predicament. My reluctance to throw in the towel came from the fact that I invested my time and energy; therefore I might as well stick to the original plan. Tell you what, I’m not the only one who has this perspective, there are a number of people allowing the fear of starting over to infiltrate their lives. Despite this, why do so many of us view starting over as so much of a hassle, rather than to go for greater possibilities?

Common knowledge would tell you that if you’re in an undesirable circumstance to ditch it and start back at square one, no big deal! So, if you’re miserable with your job, leave it! If you’re unhappy with your mate, dump them! Indeed this seems like a no-brainer, but only if it were that simple. The truth is, the fear lies within the contemplation of the process, and the time it will take to start anew. We’re all aware that going through any process can be the most grueling, and the thought of beginning again can make you stomach churn. After all, you didn’t invest all this time in vain, and you probably don’t even think you have it in you, to give it another go around. However, don’t think for a second that all your efforts were futile; that unfavorable experience sure enough taught you something. It all the more prepared you to set out again once more with wisdom at hand. So, don’t think for a second your do diligence was a lost cause.

“Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.” – Earl Nightingale

In addition, to the fear of the time it will take, there are other influences that may keep you debilitated. If you’re voluntarily wish to start over and can’t, you might be too concerned about what family and friends might say about your decision. Say for instance, you hold a prestigious career as a lawyer, but you would like to resign to pursue something more passionate, however you stay because of the ridicule you may receive from others. The fear of starting over then becomes, the fear of what others might think. So what, if they give you the guilt trip, or make you to feel ashamed and embarrassed; own your decision! This should come as no surprise to anyone, that when you make major moves in life not everyone will agree, however it’s not your life mission to people please. So, if it’s a fresh start your well-being mandates, so be it! Besides, you can’t afford for your life to remain in a state of suspended animation due to imposed fears of others, or your own limited thinking.

Fresh Start

At any rate, women especially are prone to enduring these unfavorable situations, since it terrifies us like the plague to start over. How many times have you seen a woman cling to a relationship with a dead-beat guy for the sake of not starting over? I’ve witnessed this more times, than I would like to recall. What it all boils down to is that, familiarity breeds content, hence the need to settle for unfavorable situations. A person would rather hang on to the familiar, considering they at least know what it consists of. Understandably, a new beginning means uncertainty and unpredictability, but to refuse to abandon sub-par conditions out of the fear of having to rebuild, is utter insanity! Evidently, this type of thought process operates out of a place of lack and limitation. The idea that there might not be another opportunity, so you’re just going to hold on to what you got, is the limiting belief that blocks your breakthrough. Quite frankly, if you actually have the courage to hit the restart button, you’ll soon find that unexpected doors of opportunity open up for you, and you’d be upset that you didn’t do it sooner.

To further my point, recently I was conversing with a girlfriend who’s in a long-term long distance relationship, when out of concern I asked, “What if after all this time, you don’t end up marrying your distant lover?” For a twenty-something woman her response was a bit shocking. She basically expressed to me that if it doesn’t work out with him, she would refuse to start over, and have to go through the whole dating process, yet again. This was such a brazen statement for a young woman. She has her whole life ahead of her, and if it didn’t work out with one particular guy, she wouldn’t be willing to take another shot at love. Once more, another person has succumbed to the dread of a new start.

Once and for all, I’d advise everyone to eliminate the belief that starting over means something worth fearing. You’re not considered a failure if you start over, it’s a sign of great wisdom. Chances are, if you don’t make the decision on your own, somehow you may be forced to, so your best bet is to make that decision on your terms. All things come to an end to make way for the rebirth of something extraordinary, now you can either help or hinder the process; the choice is yours!

Why do you/others dread starting over? What would put your mind at ease, when it comes to the process of starting over? Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.


Shawna Kay ( Blissed Out Belle )

Kay is a Lifestyle & Empowerment Enthusiast, and the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Blissed Out Belle™. Connect with her on Facebook here, and follow her on Twitter @BlissedOutBelle .

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  • Candace Fleming

    I dread starting over because when you become so use to someone; its hard to let that go. You began to focus on all the good and completely forget about that very thing that makes you want to leave in the first place. But I’ve never been a fan of being complacent.

    • I definitely agree. Sometimes things seem safe because they’re familiar, not because it’s in our best interest. We need to be aware of when we’re acting out of fear and familiarity, as opposed to what’s in our best interest.


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